A day spent living..

I must have thought a hundred times before posting this photo album called "candid" to my facebook profile ( I actually deleted it thrice before finally posting it). And strangely, what was stopping me was this really strong gut feel that by doing so, I may just hurt someone's sentiments.. (of course one of them whose pics I was willing to post in the album). After all, I was going to make some of the amazing but very private moments of theirs, public. They had all the right to detest me for doing that. And I would never ever want that. Besides, I've never indulged into such tasks before. So may be it was the first time factor!

I kept like really really wanting to post them though. I wanted to share some of my fave moments at MICA.. with those special souls who actually made them worth cherishing.

Yet again, the contradictions of life had to leave me confused. ( What's new in life??) The sensitive me was at constant war with the frivolous me. And like every other time, I took in my stride. I kept postponing it , " I'll post it sometime later. " I told myself. That went on for almost 6 months ( Yes Guys, I have maintained a folder called 'fb pics' with all these pics in it for all this while!). Everytime I felt bad about not being amidst you all, I used to see it. And that was quite often.

I'd almost kept it aside for a task on hand, hardly knowing that out of nowhere the frivolous one would actually emerge to gain a glorious victory. But what led to that may just be a wee bit more interesting for you all to know.

During my stint at Grey, one of the most important things that I have come to learn is doing things that I strongly feel for. And that may just be to all your delight! You guys kept asking me to do that all the six months in MICA. Ohh, how I wish I'd paid heed to that, especially now that I know, how much fun it all is, the moment we begin doing that. I decided to get it in here. Brimming with belief, I went online and posted the album.

And how glad I feel, that I did. It made me feel so good, almost like winning over my inhibitions. Something I've been finding very difficult to do for sometime now. And when I got to know that you guys loved it too, I felt so stupid. Sometimes, things we write off as weird or undoable, turn out so well.. really well.. And how could I even think that people, who gave me the best six months of my life, would not understand me?

I gave myself a jolt and began reading the never-ending list of comments that kept my inbox ticking for almost the whole day.

I had just received yet another special gift from CCC17 - 22nd September 2010, a beautiful memory and a day to cherish for the rest of my life.

Thanks guys!

... and just look at the irony in them proclaiming.. "But, you don't want to be here."

How is it that people who indeed know us so well, sometimes tend to make the biggest blunders in understanding our intentions? It amazes me. It really does. After all, they were the ones, who once upon a time, were the master of our (here mine, of course) emotions. They could so accurately predict my reactions to situations. Well, then too I was amazed, pleasantly though.

And then, is there necessarily a hidden conclusion in this. Am I then on suppose to believe that they don't know me? Or else, should I pass it off as a casual day to day misdeed of theirs? I need to know.


Well, I wouldn't want to take any names here ( for the sake of their feelings, and mine too).. but I felt the necessity to unburden my already over burdened shoulders, of this negativity, by putting it down on this inanimate blog ( which apparently doesn't live, so I am assuming it won't be hurt too, unlike us humans ). I thought it could make me feel better. Not that I already am. But it should happen in a while.

Coming back to the issue, over the years, I have strongly come to believe that with time, the way people understand each other, does undergo a lot of change. This seems to be all the more true in my case, especially because I've made a very sincere effort to insulate myself from a lot of people. So, may be it's not really their fault.

But then I feel, if there is really a connect.. it never dies.

Hoping that I am proved wrong in this regard. I wish I could be understood, like never before. After all, I did give them a right to do that. It still lies with them, unsaid though.

I do want to be there, wishing, praying and keeping my fingers crossed.

The Paradox called 'Smriti'

An introvert if that means someone who is usually pretty extravagant with words; extremely hopeful, you'll find me helping others out of sticky situations, often buried in the deep deep perils of negativity; cannot survive without friends and people around, very often there exists an urging need to remain by myself; take pride in not yet falling prey to the forces of yearning for someone, the need of a companion though remains unsatisfied; self- dependent which in turn translates into wanting all of the world to pamper me with all the affection, adulation and attention; ambitious, a lot of times I feel like giving up on everything I have set myself to achieve; a chilled out exterior..a storm raging within, my heart n mind often take up intense arguments; I thrive on child like obsessions..It has come to me of age and maturity.

And that’s surely not all. Don’t really know how many of these can I relate to be a part of me. But...when I read all this aloud, I wonder...Is this what I really am??I don't believe it... Before you get me wrong... It’s not that I can't believe myself to be a paradox...by now I happen to know that quite well...23 years is not that small a time you see!!Just that it’s probably the very first time that I have been able to write so much about myself (even I am proud of the fact that I finally did, it shocks me though). And better still...I feel it pretty much does justice to what I truly am.

I m sure blogging will get much more out of me.
I’m loving it!!!